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2000-08-24
12:57:33
i got a phone call tuesday night from robert. she's slipped into a coma. angela hasn't so much as moved an eyelid in two whole days.
i've been at the hospital since then. as soon as they told me, i rushed out of the house and down to the hospital. i haven't slept or eaten or showered or anything since early tuesday.
my life is so fucked up. for once, i had a wonderful morning, and then all hell had to break loose in the evening.
angela looks so cold. she's more pale than she was before, and her complexion even has a bit of a bluish cast to it. every time i looked at her, i felt a wave of horror rush over me. as soon as my eyes catch a glimpse of her still body in that hospital bed, i start to feel as though i'm the one in her place. i get that uncomfortable feeling you get when you've been in bed too long and you just know you have to get up, but in this case, i can't get up. she can't get up. she can't so much as lift a finger.
her parents didn't say a word to me. they must have recognized me as soon as i showed up, but they didn't even raise their heads to look at me. they just sat in their chairs, one on either side of angela's bed, and stared at her intently. they said not a single word to angela, each other, or me. they just watched, breathlessly awaiting even the tiniest flicker of movement, but it never came.
i wonder what's going on inside angela's head? i wonder if she's comfortably asleep? is she dreaming? is she watching herself get hit by my car over and over and over again? is she remembering me approaching her in the rain, and then leaving without the slightest trace of feeling evident in my body?
i wonder if she blames me? i wonder if she knows what's happened? i wonder when she'll pull out of this? i wonder why she's slipping into a worsened condition rather than better? i wonder if she'll recover to be the same as she was before? i wonder if i'll recover to be the same as i was before?
somehow i doubt it.
