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2000-09-27
17:25:16
thank God for alcohol. i don't know what i'd do without it.
i seem to be always comparing my options these days. i also seem to have an unbelievably sordid selection of them. this time, i'm comparing the difference between drinking all the time and having to stay sober.
it really doesn't take much thought.
i have to keep drinking. when i drink, i have a few hours to myself, completely removed from all my worries. drinking gives me freedom. reality gives me the type of structured pain with which i've become so familiar lately. i don't want that. no one should have to be in my situation.
i keep wondering why i am in my situation, though. i mean, why me? is it because i'm weak? am i a bad person? what have i ever done wrong?
lately, the answers are all too clear. i am weak. i am a bad person. and i seem to be doing everything wrong.
