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2000-09-12
18:23:56
it's been a long day. i haven't even done anything yet, and it already feels like it's been a long day. i'm starting to think that running away wasn't the right thing to do.
i woke up about a thousand times in the middle of the night last night, and every time i felt worse than the time before. my dreams had subsided for a few days, but they're back now and worse than ever.
some of the dreams were slow-motion replays of the action as i hit angela with my car. sometimes i was walking up to her on the side of the road, watching the blood stream out of her head. those were the least traumatic ones.
after those, i started trying to wipe the blood off her face with my hands. i'd try to dry her face off, but with the rain, it just kept making things worse. the blood was smearing all over her face and all over my hands and clothing.
then - and i think this one was the worst - i saw her open her eyes to look at me with that damned empty stare, while we were both covered in blood, and she started trying to talk to me, but the words weren't coming out. she started drooling all over herself, and her mouth started to produce a foamy red substance that made her panic and grab onto me with hands like vices.
God, it was awful! i wanted so badly to help her, but there was nothing i could do! her fear sent me into an absolute terror, until i tried to pull her hands away from my arms and i had to break her wrists to do it. i could actually feel the bones snapping in two. even in my dream, i couldn't believe that i was so desperate to run away.
i've still had no word from the bartender of the old steed, but i think i'm going to return tonight to see if i can speak with him. i need to get out of here to do something.
