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2000-08-18
13:54:27
i went out with natalie again yesterday. guilty as i've been feeling lately, i couldn't bear to spend another minute around jess or my house. i had to get away.
natalie and i drove out to the park, where we layed on the grass and talked for hours. i told her about angela and...everything else. it didn't help matters at all. she just listened quietly and nodded with distant "mm-hm" responses every so often. she didn't seem interested in anything until later when she drove me to one of the most expensive hotels in the city, where she had taken the liberty of booking us a suite. the hotel was nice and natalie's absolutely beautiful, but i can't seem to get any pleasure out of anything these days.
oh God, i can't take this anymore. for the first time in my life, i feel as though i'm completely at the mercy of some horrible force of nature. i'm not strong enough to face it. i'm ready to let it all go.
