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2000-08-10
13:15:57
oh God.
just thinking about what i'm about to write is making my stomach flip-flop.
jess did me the favor of calling the hospital repeatedly yesterday, looking for the girl's parents. apparently, the girl is no longer in intensive care; her condition has stabilized tremendously, and the hospital expects her to continue improving.
after many attempts to reach someone at the hospital who would help her, jess contacted someone who agreed to leave a message for the girl's parents. they returned the call after only an hour or two and asked if we would come meet them at the hospital early in the evening.
considering the situation, these people were extraordinarily calm, almost friendly even. we met up with them, shook their hands, and exchanged solemn greetings. i felt like i feel when i'm seeing people i'm barely related to at a funeral or something. it was just odd, meeting people under these circumstances.
before we spoke much, they led us down the hallway to the girl's room, gestured for us to go inside, and said, "there she is. that's our angel."
upon hearing the practiced calmness in the mother's voice, my heart skipped a beat, and i entered the room feeling dizzy, sick to my stomach, and guilty as sin.
she was laying in the hospital with the head of her bed raised slightly, so she was leaning back peacefully and propped up on a mound of pillows. aside from the whiteness of the bed, though, the girl looked nothing like an angel, unless she had just fallen out of the sky.
she must've been sleeping when we arrived because she was just laying there with her eyes closed, still as a corpse. i almost thought the nurses must've been absent for awhile and let the girl pass on in her sleep, but after a moment, she opened her eyes ever so slightly and looked at me.
both of her eyes were swollen red, purple, and grey streaked with blue. she had bruises completely covering her face and arms. an oxygen tube was feeding through her scabbed nose. her left leg was in a cast, propped up in traction, and part of her hairline was shaved, revealing about seven or eight black stiches.
the sight of her small, mangled frame was nearly enough to make me puke right there on the floor of her room, but it wasn't the bruises that really got to me; it was the look in her eyes.
when she opened her eyes, she winced slightly in pain from the swelling. she could really only open them halfway, and she just looked at me in complete disregard. i don't know if they had her on some strong painkillers or not, but her eyes were completely empty, like they had lost their ability to comprehend what they were seeing or they just didn't care to see anything at all.
she only looked up for a second, and then her eyes closed again, but it was enough for me. i started sobbing right there in front of my wife, the still girl whose life i ruined, and her two parents who were looking at me with something resembling empathy.
at this, i was dragged out of the room by jess, and the girl's parents followed us into the hallway. i calmed down a bit, and the girl's mother put her hand on my arm and said, "we know." i'm not sure to what she was referring, but her voice sounded more reassuring and sincere than it had before, so i relaxed even more and awaited their next words.
the girl's name is angela. her parents introduced themselves as joyce and robert. robert didn't say much; he just sat there with his lips pursed in such a way that made him look like he wanted to speak but didn't trust himself enough to say something he wouldn't regret. he did a lot of eyeing me up and down, trying to determine if i was as much a bastard as he had imagined i'd be. joyce did the majority of the talking. she reported to me exactly what they had been discussing about pressing charges against me.
i apologized profusely and told them i'd do anything to help them out. joyce thanked me for the offer to help but said she really didn't think there was anything i could do. she said they accepted my apology but couldn't understand why i didn't at least call for an ambulance that night. i told them i didn't know, either, and i know now that i should've done something, anything but leave.
it seems they are still considering pressing charges. joyce said they wanted to wait and see how angela's condition changes before they make a final decision. she also informed me that they had discussed the fact that i was probably just scared or unsure what to do and they understood that, but they couldn't, in good faith to their daughter, allow me to just walk away from what i'd done. they assured me they would take my seemingly good-willed nature into consideration, but they couldn't tell me they would let it go at that.
i guess now i just have to wait and see what happens.
