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2000-09-05
13:06:51
who was i kidding? i'm too much of a wimp to ever take that drastic plunge into the ocean. i took one look at the distance of that fall, and i ran away.
the ocean doesn't look inviting. it never did. if i thought it did, i was imagining things. the moment you finally decide you're through and you're ready to do it is the moment at which you come to terms with the fact that suicide isn't a natural choice for the human psyche. when confronted with the idea of suicide, the human body will back away. the only way to really do it is to get fucked up on something.
i suppose everyone has their breaking point, though. i thought i had reached mine, but apparently, i was wrong. i guess the breaking point is yet to come.
i can feel that breaking point, though. i can feel it as it approaches, and i can feel it as my life pushes up against it with such repetitive insistence that it seems it must be about to give. well, perhaps that breaking point is a stronger divide than i had suspected. perhaps it's the bottom of the pit i believed to be bottomless. perhaps that divide is the foundation of a life that seems to be torn to pieces.
perhaps i can build upon it once again.
